Fighting Loving Feeling Stealing

This week I’ve been writing about the tension between forging ahead with life and waiting for the right time and the right set of circumstances before moving forward. The impetus for this has been a spiritually torturous span of time where I have been trying to discern what the next chapter of my life will be. It’s not that I have to know all the details beforehand, it’s just that I want to be sure that I’m headed in the right direction.

To be honest, I’m not sure where I get the sense that there is one, right direction or why I want to be so sure that I am heading that way. If life is a gift to explore and enjoy then there really is no one way in which to do that. The fact that everyone experiences life differently is a testament to the idea that there is no one, right way. So why I am so concerned that I should know the right direction before I move?

One reason is that I am pretty sure that there are some wrong ways to explore and enjoy life. I want to avoid those ways because they tend to cause me pain and anxiety. I know that it’s not always possible to avoid these things and that wisdom and understanding often come from times of suffering. I also know that trying to avoid suffering often leads to more of it for myself or for others. Yet I go to great lengths to keep suffering at arm’s length from me and escape from it when I can't.

Yesterday, as I wrestled with these thoughts for the umpteenth time I was happily distracted by the news that my favorite band released a new single in preparation for the release of a new album in June. I watched the video and found myself connecting to it immediately which I don't usually do with their songs. The song played right into my thoughts about the way we go through life and learn from our joys and sorrows. It laments and celebrates the fullness of life. I have to share it.

Headlong Flight by Rush

All the journeys of this great adventure

It didn’t always feel that way

I wouldn’t trade them because I made them

The best I could and that’s enough to say

Some days were dark

I wish that I could live it all again

Some nights were bright

I wish that I could live it all again

All the highlights of that headlong flight

Holding on with all my might

To what I felt back then

I wish that I could live it all again

I have stroked the fire of the big steel wheels

Steered the airship right across the stars

I learned to fight

I learned to love

and learned to feel

Oh I wish that I could live it all again.

All the treasures, the gold and glory

It didn’t always feel that way

I don’t regret it

I’ll never forget it

I wouldn’t trade tomorrow for today

Some days were dark

I wish that I could live it all again

Some nights were bright

I wish that I could live it all again

I have stroked the fire of the big steel wheels

Steered the airship right across the stars

I learned to fight

I learned to love

and learned to steal

Oh I wish that I could live it all again.

The song is even more poignant when you realize that the man who wrote these words, Neil Peart, lost his 19 year-old daughter in a car accident and then, ten months later, lost his wife to cancer. To be able to write that you would live it all again is an incredible testimony to the power of life.

There is an African proverb that says that we back into the future. Perhaps by looking at where I’ve been I can more easily see where I am going. By exploring the paths that have brought me to the place in life that I inhabit now, maybe I can make sense of where I am and where I am going.

You’re welcome to come along if you like. Whether you do or don’t consider this video by one of the world’s greatest bands as my gift to you. (And if you want to contribute to a fund that will help me see them in concert in the fall, I will consider that your gift to me.)