When Faithful Only Looks Like Me

I am sorry for assuming that the only way to live a faithful life is the way that I do it, within the confines of a congregation like mine.

 First of all I need to come to terms with the fact that I make this assumption regularly. I see it in the way I am disappointed when people won’t commit to a program that we implement. I hear it in staff meetings when we (with loving intention) refer to people who don’t belong to a church community as people whose lives are less-than-complete. Whenever I nod my head or commiserate along with another church member about those who “just don’t get it,” I live out the assumption that non-members are not as fulfilled or blessed as I am.

I think the obvious reason I do this is because it has been drilled into my head to think this way. Belonging to the community of believers is a large part of what Christianity is all about. And what better way to show that you belong than by participating in the activities of the community. Growing up, and even in seminary, I was taught that we are in competition. No one ever called it a competition but faith has always been referred to in terms of  “We” and “Them.” “We believe this way. They believe that way.” It was implicit in the descriptions of faith. You are one of us if you believe and behave the way we do. You are not one of us if you do otherwise. The social ramifications of being in a group or exiled from it are buried so deep in our heads that we barely recognize them even when they are pointed out.

Another reason that I assume the only way to live a faithful life is within a congregation like mine is because I want my work and my life to be validated. As a pastor I want to know that the work that I do has meaning and value to others. So as I preach and lead worship, as I teach classes and try to inspire people to live more selfless lives I want to know that it’s happening. For many reason I’ve come to equate participation in church activities with changed lives. No matter how many times I tell myself  that I am just planting seeds I really want to see the harvest to know whether or not my planting has been in vain.

As a pastor it is also easy to let the church become my whole world. I’m here at the church building or meeting with other church leaders or members almost constantly. I take continuing education classes sponsored by church agencies  My friends are members of the church or other pastors. It is a very insulated world in which I live.

A few years ago I began to get out of this insulated world. I took a continuing education class sponsored by the local university. Through that program I have met a several people who have shown me that Christ is at work outside of the church as much as in it. Then as part of a volunteer opportunity at my children’s high school I began meeting people who lived in very Christ-like ways even though they didn’t belong to a congregation. The peace, patience, kindness and forgiveness that I saw in them was in direct contradiction to a lot of the infighting I saw within the church.

Both of these experiences have helped me see another reason I continually make this assumption. It has to do with arrogant self-righteousness. I want to believe that I’ve made the right decision. I want to feel good about my decisions in life. Whenever someone decides to participate in a congregation like mine it’s like someone congratulating me for being on the winning team. Whenever someone goes elsewhere I find that I rationalize their decision so it doesn’t reflect negatively on me.

I want to believe that community of believers is much more than the people who show up for worship on Sunday morning. At some level I believe that it is. But I also want to be able to see it. I want to point at it. I want it to be visible when I have been told it is like the wind or like yeast in bread dough.  I can know that it’s there I just can’t separate it out and draw a circle around it.

Changing the way I think about this is turning out to be a long, slow transition made even harder by the abundance of people within the church who make the same assumption. With each passing comment I am reminded of my own false assumptions and my limited view of the work the Spirit is doing in the world. I understand the impatience of waiting for me (or others in the church) to bring my thinking alongside the evidence that I am being shown.

So please don’t believe that you have to belong to a church to be a part of the Church. The Spirit will provide community and support as you need it. Be open to the opportunities for fellowship, learning and worship that look different than they have in the past. That is where you will find the Church in faithful living.