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Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A Prophetic Voice pt. 1




There are times when we think we are joking around but in reality we get glimpses of deeper truths.  Perhaps this is just a way for us to become aware of ideas that are too much for us handle at the time.  Returning to that deeper truth later can be less daunting because of the non-threatening way in which we were introduced to it.

My third year of seminary education was a year-long internship at a congregation in Marin County, California. Working full time in parish ministry I hit my stride and knew that all the hoops and hurdles of seminary that I had to go through were going to be worth it.

It was the winter of that internship year that I received a phone call from a young woman representing the Alumni Relations department at my college alma mater. They were putting together an Alumni Directory that would, they claimed, help graduates of the university to stay connected. It was, of course, a thinly disguised effort to collect information that the university could use for promotional and fund-raising purposes.

Four months earlier I had filled out a questionnaire for the directory and this was a follow-up call to make sure they had all the right information. She verified my address, the year I graduated, and my major. But when it came to my occupation, instead of telling me what I had written on the form she simply asked, “And what is your occupation?”

I smiled, remembering what I written on the card. I didn’t want to say that I was a student. I wasn’t a pastor yet either. I was serving as a pastor but I wouldn’t be ordained for another year-and-a-half. So on the blank line behind the word Occupation: I had written, “Prophet.”

It was a smart-alecky answer that I knew wouldn’t fit into any of the categories the university would publish publicly. There were no pictures of prophets in the catalogs or brochures the university sent to prospective students. When people think of prophets they conjure up images of street corner nut-jobs dressed in dirty clothes, pointing fingers, waving a Bible and making dire predictions about end-times through a megaphone. I had also hoped that this would lead someone in the alumni relations department to put me on a list of people who were unlikely to be a source of charitable revenue.

The young woman hesitantly asked me to spell it, as if she wasn’t sure she heard right. More likely she was concerned that she was on the line with one of those nut-job, college campus doomsayers who somehow managed to squeak out a degree between his lunatic rants in front of the library. “P-R-O-P-H-E-T,” I obligingly spelled out for her and then listened to concerned silence from her end of the line a thousand miles away.

Have you ever said something in a completely innocent way, goofing around actually, and when you hear it spoken out loud you become aware of the truth buried in the words?  That moment on the phone felt like one of those transparent moments in a Stephen King novel or an episode of the Twilight Zone when the main character makes a remark that will be taken to drastic extremes sometime in the near future with chilling effect. I remember having this vague thought that I was playing with fire.

Writing “Prophet” on the card that I had sent in didn’t seem like such a big deal. Saying out loud and it over the phone to someone made it more real. It took on a certain weight and seemed to actually materialize there in the world. A little voice inside my head asked, “What if it’s true?” I stopped pacing through the kitchen and realized that it might be true and not true at the same time. The seed of truth was there but it was not yet fully grown.

Today I am wondering if it’s time to revisit that premonition.  What would it look like to be a prophet in this day and age? What message would such a prophet bring? Is it possible to be a pastor and a prophet at the same time? Twenty years ago I wasn’t ready to wrestle with these questions. But the idea has been germinating for a while now and it doesn’t seem as far-fetched as it once did.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Called to Ministry



In the church we like to talk about the way God “calls” each of us to ministry but we don’t often talk about what that means or how we discern the call. In the days ahead I want to share my experience of being “called” and how that led me to where I am today and eventually where I end up in the future.

The question comes from a middle school student in a large group discussion at Bible camp: "How did you know you wanted to be a pastor?"

Instantly a picture forms in my mind. I see the line of large box elder trees to the south side of my family’s house near Fowler, Michigan. A rope swing hangs from a limb in the tree closest to the road. A scrap-wood fort is nailed among the sturdy branches of the tree farthest back.  It’s the summer before my seventh-grade year and I’m riding the old Wheel Horse mower across the front yard. I drive into the shade under the canopy of braches and cross the two-rutted path that wraps around three-quarters of the old farmhouse and connects to the gravel driveway near the milk-shed. On the other side of the ruts the lawn continues for about twelve feet and ends where we let the grass grow tall.  It’s the one field on the 40-acre property that is not defined by a barbed-wire fence. The dark-green tips of small evergreen trees, planted in rows just a few years earlier, poke up above the wavy grass. 

"I don't know," I begin, "But I remember this time when I was a kid mowing the lawn and I noticed something about the trees and the short grass of the lawn and the tall grass in the field. I remember thinking that what I noticed would make a great example for our pastor to use in a sermon. It would help to explain what he was trying to teach us."

"What was it that you saw?" someone else in the group wants to know.

I shake my head, "I don't remember exactly. I just remember having the sudden realization that what I saw could be used to help people understand more about God. I think I knew then that I would be a pastor but I didn't admit it for a long time.”

The conversation moves on to another topic and I sit for a time, half listening to the conversation around me and half thinking about that day on the lawn mower. At the seminary I was asked about my call to ministry on several occasions. It was a question I had to answer in my application essay. I was asked to answer it again for the Candidacy Committee of my sponsoring synod and again to faculty panels who were charged with determining my fitness for ordained ministry. Never once in all those opportunities did I mention or even think about that day on the lawn mower.

Now, when someone asks what led me to ordained ministry, I retell this story of mowing the lawn and conclude it by saying that after that moment, “I just knew.” In all honesty, though, it wasn’t as if the clouds parted that summer day and a booming voice told me that I would be preaching in front of a congregation someday.  It’s my earliest memory of a growing knowledge, that eventually became a certainty,  that I was being led in a particular direction.

Sometimes people talk about being on a path in life. There have been many days when I wish the path was more clearly defined, days when I have cried out to see what lies ahead of me. Reflecting back on where I have been I realize that I have not been led down a path at all. It has been a direction. It’s like walking through a field of tall grass. I can only see a path when I turn around and see where I have been. 

It’s funny that the image of a field is what comes to mind as I describe my life’s journey. To a farmer with livestock a field of tall grass is known as a pasture, a place for the animals to graze and be fed. The word pastor is derived from the same word for pasture. A pastor is one who feeds the flock.

My entire life I have been moving towards and within the field of ordained ministry; into the pastoring field if you will. My identity as a person has been formed inside the church. For 23 years (19 years as a pastor and 4 as a seminary student) this identity has been centered specifically around my call to be a pastor. As I look back on the trail I have made I see that it meanders and wanders through the field. But I also see that the meandering has moved me across the field, away from where I was and towards something that lies beyond.